I went backpacking by myself, completely alone.
I love backpacking. In the list of “Krista’s favorite activities”, it is up there in the top 5. I love putting my life on my back and walking in the woods all day long, and then setting that life up on the other side, and taking it down the next morning and starting all over again. There is literally no aspect of backpacking I don’t love, really, there isn’t (well, except really cold rain, I don’t love that). However, this is an activity I have always done with others, it has always been a family activity. We even have our backpacking routine going, I plan and get the food and divide it all up for everyone, my husband plans the route and gets the stuff out and all ready to go. We’re all in charge of our own clothes, so if you forget your jacket, buster, it’s on you. It is something I deeply enjoy doing with my family.
But this is an activity I love, beyond family time. And lately I’ve been realizing I want to take ownership of that activity. I want to know I can do this on my own. I want to be able to say that I backpack, not that I backpack…..so long as others are with me.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, I was. In all honesty, I wasn’t scared of bears or snakes or getting lost…….but being a woman alone in the woods…...I was nervous about other humans. There is a deep vulnerability there.
But I stood in that vulnerability, I looked it in the face, I packed my big knife in a reachable spot, and off I went. And it was exactly what I wanted it to be. I walked my own walk, I saw my own sites, I thought and I thought and I thought. It was the most amazing of weekends.
Would it have been the right decision of me if I had been paralized by fear all weekend? I think probably not. But looking at my nervousness, and recognizing that while my nerves were real and valid, I wouldn’t be paralized by them, and allowing myself to do the thing I was nervous about was the exact right thing for me this past weekend.
And it was such a beautiful weekend my dear friends. It was everything I’d hoped it could be.
May we, this week, see our nervousness. May we perhaps do something that might add beauty to our lives, but might also be out of our comfort zone. May we find our vulnerability and stare it down.
I am so deeply grateful for you my dear friends.
(And sorry Mom for not telling you I was going!)